Saturday, January 4, 2014

Cat pee, headless lambs, and other normal daily events...

You know when you find yourself audibly arguing with children that are on a DVD that is playing, that you have had enough for the day. It all began with Lester. Our giant, lumbering yet ninja-esque cat.  Promptly at 6 am he began meowing. I opened my bedroom door, but surprisingly, did not see him. All too quickly I realized the panicked cries were coming from inside P’s (my 2 year old) room. This meant one of two things: 1) either P managed to climb out or his crib, open the door, stalk and find the cat, carry him upstairs and trap him in his room, or 2) the damn cat fell asleep in P’s room before bedtime and was therefore trapped in there since 7pm the previous evening. As much as I prayed it was the P the stalker scenario, I was pretty sure option 2 was about to be confirmed. Now, P has 2 beds in his room. One is a crib that he currently resides in since he still cannot balance well enough to not fall on his head in a toddler bed, and the other is the aforementioned toddler bed that the cat has taken a liking to. And there is a nice shag rug and a toybox/bookshelf thing. Any guesses where Lester chose to relieve himself? The crib. IN P’S CRIB. While P was IN IT!!!! Seriously?? He had to jump a good 4 feet up and into a bed with a known love stalker IN IT, and yet he chose that to be his toilet of choice. And funny enough, P was still asleep in it (on the other side thank GOD). So I got to clean out that with joy this morning.
Cat urine behind us, we were all now breakfasted and ready to face the day. Due to the fact that I have been unable to walk the better part of 2 weeks (due to a sprained foot), and I can barely manage now, the carpet was in desperate need of vacuuming. So I busted out the dirt devil and got down to business. And so did the toddlers. P was the first to decide to take a full cup of water (left on the table by G- my 5 year old, thanks for that) and proceeded to dump it all over himself and the floor. Cue break in vacuuming number 1. Once the floor  and P were dried, I attempted to resume vacuuming. This is where F decided to bring his reign of terror down upon us. The first victim was the Veggie tales plastic plate he got for Christmas. How do you break a PLASTIC kids plate? I have no idea. Although it does break in to lovely jagged pieces. Then, just as I was almost done vacuuming our 10 x12 foot living area (seriously, that is the whole area that needed vacuuming) he grabbed the Christmas garland that was hanging from the mantle (only exposed because the vacuum that usually blocked his access was in use) and pulled. And in true domino fashion down came the snow globe, 6 stocking holders, wooden letters and wreath that spelled NOEL, and, one by one: Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Wisemen, and some unfortunate lambs from my retired, irreplaceable Precious Moments nativity set. Onto the brick fireplace. I just stood there and watched it all happen in slow motion. Decapitated lambs, arms of wisemen were everywhere. It was like a Christmas Texas Chainsaw Massacre. As I sat and cried, do you know the ONLY one who came to comfort me? The damn cat.
Lessoned learned? Always check to see where the cat is before bedtime. And vacuuming only leads to trouble. (Funny enough, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph all miraculously survived the attack). OH, and I just caught myself arguing with a 7 year old child on the Curious George DVD about whether sugar snap peas really taste like a “sack of sugar.” I may have replied that her statement was a sack of something. And it wasn’t sugar. And that is how I know it is bedtime.

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