You know when you find yourself
audibly arguing with children that are on a DVD that is playing, that you have
had enough for the day. It all began with Lester. Our giant, lumbering yet
ninja-esque cat. Promptly at 6 am he
began meowing. I opened my bedroom door, but surprisingly, did not see him. All
too quickly I realized the panicked cries were coming from inside P’s (my 2 year old)
room. This meant one of two things: 1) either P managed to climb out or
his crib, open the door, stalk and find the cat, carry him upstairs and trap
him in his room, or 2) the damn cat fell asleep in P’s room before bedtime
and was therefore trapped in there since 7pm the previous evening. As much as I
prayed it was the P the stalker scenario, I was pretty sure option 2 was
about to be confirmed. Now, P has 2 beds in his room. One is a crib that
he currently resides in since he still cannot balance well enough to not fall
on his head in a toddler bed, and the other is the aforementioned toddler bed
that the cat has taken a liking to. And there is a nice shag rug and a
toybox/bookshelf thing. Any guesses where Lester chose to relieve himself? The
crib. IN P’S CRIB. While P was IN IT!!!! Seriously?? He had to jump a
good 4 feet up and into a bed with a known love stalker IN IT, and yet he chose
that to be his toilet of choice. And funny enough, P was still asleep in
it (on the other side thank GOD). So I got to clean out that with joy this
morning.
Cat urine behind us, we were all
now breakfasted and ready to face the day. Due to the fact that I have been
unable to walk the better part of 2 weeks (due to a sprained foot), and I can barely manage now, the
carpet was in desperate need of vacuuming. So I busted out the dirt devil and
got down to business. And so did the toddlers. P was the first to decide
to take a full cup of water (left on the table by G- my 5 year old, thanks for that) and
proceeded to dump it all over himself and the floor. Cue break in vacuuming
number 1. Once the floor and P were
dried, I attempted to resume vacuuming. This is where F decided to bring
his reign of terror down upon us. The first victim was the Veggie tales plastic
plate he got for Christmas. How do you break a PLASTIC kids plate? I have no
idea. Although it does break in to lovely jagged pieces. Then, just as I was
almost done vacuuming our 10 x12 foot living area (seriously, that is the whole
area that needed vacuuming) he grabbed the Christmas garland that was hanging
from the mantle (only exposed because the vacuum that usually blocked his
access was in use) and pulled. And in true domino fashion down came the snow
globe, 6 stocking holders, wooden letters and wreath that spelled NOEL, and,
one by one: Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Wisemen, and some unfortunate lambs from my
retired, irreplaceable Precious Moments nativity set. Onto the brick fireplace.
I just stood there and watched it all happen in slow motion. Decapitated lambs,
arms of wisemen were everywhere. It was like a Christmas Texas Chainsaw
Massacre. As I sat and cried, do you know the ONLY one who came to comfort me?
The damn cat.
Lessoned learned? Always check to
see where the cat is before bedtime. And vacuuming only leads to trouble.
(Funny enough, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph all miraculously survived the attack).
OH, and I just caught myself arguing with a 7 year old child on the Curious
George DVD about whether sugar snap peas really taste like a “sack of sugar.” I
may have replied that her statement was a sack of something. And it wasn’t
sugar. And that is how I know it is bedtime.
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